


cause we can't see where we've gone from where we started

by cinderlily



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 14:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7364821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderlily/pseuds/cinderlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler realizes he loves Jamie at just the wrong moment, and the universe lets him know that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cause we can't see where we've gone from where we started

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for small, small mention of a character. In the bottom notes if you want to avoid.

Tyler really liked Andie. She was sweet and awesome and had this weird sense of humor that seemed to always catch him off guard and make him laugh. Most importantly, though, was the fact that she made Jamie happy. Like, crazy ridiculously happy. Like, the guys chirped him left right and center, and this was after Jordie and his debacle of being ‘in love’ with a girl the year before and being nauseating, yet Jamie just beamed when they did it. 

He loved her. Jamie loved Andie. And that was just about the worst thing that had happened in Tyler’s life, which was saying something. 

He’d always had low-level awareness of his dependence on Jamie Benn. He wasn’t dumb. But the league was filled with weird on-ice and off-ice friendships that were genuinely heterosexual. Yeah, he guessed no relationship with him could be heterosexual as he WASN’T but he figured for a really long time they had as close to one as he was going to get. 

Except… then things started to go from casual to not so casual in his feelings. He guessed it was around the time that he got his Achilles injury. They’d gone past round one in the post-season, and yeah that would normally make him feel useless and a little annoyed with life but instead he felt a part of it.

Every step of the way Jamie was bringing him in. Asking him to watch certain players on the ice when he wasn’t able to and to take note. Coming over to his place to watch video after video of each team to get their shit together. 

For those few weeks, he felt just like he was on ice and it was all thanks to Jamie, which… suddenly made him aware of everything Jamie was to him. Apparently in the most nauseating way. (Give Jordie a run for his money type of way.) 

“You say Jamie one more time like that and I swear to you I’m hanging up,” Candace said, arching an eyebrow at him over the FaceTime. 

“What way?” he asked, actually perplexed. 

She batted her eyelashes and drawled. “‘Ja _mie_ is coming over tonight to do some recon for the next game.’” 

“I do NOT say it like that,” Tyler said and then thought about it for a second. “Fuck, I totally say it that way.” 

“Oh bro, you are fucked as fuck.” 

Tyler’s eyes went wide. “You need off the internet. I swear, right now.” 

His doorbell rang. 

“Go get Ja _mie_ and tell him I said hi,” his sister winked and blew him a kiss and you know. He loved his sister. But next time she dated someone the game was on. It was his big brother duty. 

It wasn’t like he could tell Jamie how he was feeling during the quest for the CUP. There was shit going on. He was on some pretty strong painkillers. Stuff was just not right for the whole ‘I might want you’ talk with your straight best friend. 

Though stuff was never going to be right for that talk. But he was going to have to have it. He’d had friendships fuck up for less and he’d learned the hardest way possible that if he didn’t approach it right it could possibly break everything. He couldn’t lose Jamie. He knew Jamie well enough that he knew that he wasn’t going to break down and freak out. (Well, he really really hoped.)

But then they were out. In game freaking seven of the series. When they’d tried so flipping hard it _hurt_ and they’d been so worth it that season. It was their season, he’d felt it in his bones. 

And the time wasn’t so great because Jamie had a lot of shit to get done captain wise and then he flew off to the wilds of Canada and Tyler stayed for Physical Therapy. Plus he didn’t want to do it on the phone, or FaceTime, or Skype. So he went through a summer of talking around it while still being friends with Jamie. 

Jamie, who about halfway through the summer, started casually mentioning a girl named Andrea he’d met in Dallas and how she was pretty awesome. How he was talking to her through WhatsApp. At first, it was so freaking subtle even Tyler didn’t notice it. 

They’d met during the season, at the Children’s Medical Center of Dallas fundraiser, the one even that Tyler had missed due to a cold from hell. He vaguely remembered hearing the name Andrea but it had been so long ago it didn’t seem to matter to him at the time. 

By about a week before Jamie was to get home, though, it was every conversation and it wasn’t _Andrea_ anymore. It was always _Andie_. How she said something funny. She was a nurse but was thinking about going to med school. She’d told him a cool story about her job (she worked in the peds ward, the freaking saint). She had a funny joke from one of her kid patients. 

Or, repeatedly, how much Tyler was going to love her. 

Which he wasn’t PLANNING on loving her. Except then he met her. And he _did_. So fuck. 

The window of telling Jamie had closed while he wasn’t even watching and his whole life was pretty shitty. Except not. Cause he got Jamie on the ice, and on roadies. And he didn’t get all of Jamie. But he got pieces of him. Which would be his life, he guessed. 

“Honey I’m home,” Tyler said, storming into Jamie’s hotel room with two bags of food from where they had food downstairs. “I brought dinner.” 

Jamie looked over his shoulder and smiled, and naturally, Tyler looked over Jamie’s shoulder to see Andie seated there on the screen in Jamie’s house. 

“Aww, dear, you shouldn’t have,” she teased. 

“Hey,” Jamie said, the tips of his ears turning a little red. “We’re kind of having a date night thing.” 

Between him and the computer was an already plated meal and he saw the same thing with Andie and he could feel his face betray his emotions before he could tell himself to make it go blank. He knew that it had, not because of any reaction from Jamie, because Jamie sometimes had the emotional depth of a playhouse tea cup but instead by a noise Andie made. 

“Oh right, natch,” Tyler said. His brain focusing enough for him to make a smile, hopefully, natural enough. “Dates are good.” 

He hastily backed out of the room, into the hallway and directly into Jordie who was about to knock on Jamie’s door. 

“What the fuck, dude?” Jordie frowned at him. “That was my foot.” 

“Uh, brought dinner for Jamie,” Tyler said nonsensically. 

Jordie looked at the food. “Not like Jamie to turn food down. Is he sick?” 

“No, he’s on a Skype date.” 

Jordie started to laugh. “Aw, fucker. Not even I was that bad. Are you kidding me? Did you take pictures? I’m taking pictures…”

Tyler really had to get out of that hallway so he looked at Jordie and just kind of shrugged. “Yeah, I think they ordered the same food… go with that.” 

As he turned around he heard Jordie let out a weird noise that reminded him of Scooby Doo, so not appropriate for the moment that he would laugh if he could. Instead, he walked the two doors down to his own room, slipped the key in and got into his room with the feeling of doom just above his head. 

He picked up his phone and weighed the options of who to call or even if he should call. His mom would have pity on him, his sisters would laugh or worse _also_ have pity on him. There was going to be a time when pity was probably inevitable, the next family visit, no doubt, but that was not for that moment. 

He needed advice. Which, absurdly, left him with one god forsaken option and he couldn’t believe that he was about to do what he was going to do. 

He hit favorites screen in the phone and hit enter. It rang three times.

“Could it be my wifey?” Brownie chuckled. “I thought that you’d forgotten me after all this time.” 

“Brownie,” he started. 

“Weeks, Tyler Paul, weeks. I mean. Okay, I think a week and a half… So WEEK… I mean _weak_ and **a** week.” 

He exhaled and he was totally about to fall apart, he felt it at the seams so he must have let out some noise, some indication. Not that Brownie was dense (though at times) but he was not the most perceptive when it came to emotional cues and yet he found it. 

“Fuck,” Brownie let out. “What happened?” 

Tyler inhaled deeply and thought about how to present this. He debated just saying the basics and not bringing anything up the past because well. It was not a good past but this was Brownie and he had one shot at this. 

“Remember the time we don’t talk about,” Tyler said, rushed into a sentence that was so jumbled he was pretty sure he’d have to repeat it. 

There was a long silence on the line in response and he was not going to go through all the things he was afraid was happening. He wasn’t going to check to see if he was hung up on. He just sat there and closed his eyes and thought really hard about how he had no option. 

“Jamie,” Brownie responded, eventually. “Fuck, Tyler, tell me I’m wrong.” 

Tyler laughed. He had to put his hand up to his face to wipe at a few stray tears. “Want me to tell you you’re wrong or do you want the truth?” 

“ _Fuck_. Did he… uh. Figure it out? Or did you…?” 

The brief image of him pressing Brownie against a wall in a stupid hotel way cheaper than this one flitted through his mind. He’d tried his best to suppress it, which was fairly easy as he hadn’t exactly been the soberest at the time. He could still remember, though, the image of his best friend’s face full of anger and annoyance. 

“Jamie has no idea,” Tyler said, without feeling. “Or if he does he’s… well. His girlfriend might have told him.” 

“YOU TOLD HIS GIRLFRIEND?” 

Tyler pulled the cell phone from his ear and flinched. “Fuck. Brownie. No. I didn’t tell Andie, I just. I walked into their room to bring food and I had a key because well, we always fucking swap keys. And I thought that it would be a good idea to bring him dinner, we needed to talk about plays, you know and…” 

“Forget the dinner, what the hell would let her know? Is she there?” 

So he told him about the Skype date and the fact that she saw his face before he actually policed it and how she looked like she might… know. And then about running into Jordie in the hallway and how this all was looking really bad. Even if Jamie was, if possible, denser than Brownie at times, if Andie had figured it out or if Jordie had. Well. 

“I’m fucked.”

Brownie let out a little laugh. “Well, to be fair this is like leagues above kissing the dude in a hotel room, puking and then refusing to talk to him for two weeks.” 

“I didn’t _refuse_ to talk to you,” Tyler scoffed. “I gave you _room_ to forgive me.” 

“Forgive you?” Brownie sounded genuinely hurt. “You thought I was pissed at you?” 

Tyler groaned. It had been years, he didn’t want to bring this backup. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with years old emotions on TOP of current ones. “Look, I fucked up and you were pissed. I got that. So I gave you room to like… get around that. Can we focus on the fact that I don’t have the luxury of the off season looming to get a break?” 

“No, we can’t. Cause I wasn’t pissed at you. Well, I was. After a week of no talking, I was really fucking pissed. Because you weren’t letting me tell you that I was flattered but we weren’t doing anything due to my unfortunate heterosexuality. But I wasn’t angry that you liked me, fucker. I can’t believe you fucking thought that. You really think I’m that much of a douche nozzle?” 

“I didn’t think you were a douche, dude,” Tyler said, mouth clenched. “I thought I was a douche. I like, _forced myself_ on you. I maybe am a jackass in a lot of ways but I don’t force myself on guys or girls. My mom raised me right.” 

There was another pause and Tyler was getting really sick of waiting for freaking Brownie at this point. 

“We were 18. We were drunk. And you kissed me,” Brownie said slowly. “Once I showed disinterest you freaking _ran away_. You didn’t _force yourself on me_. Jesus Christ, dude. Repressed much?” 

Tyler paused in his pacing to cock his head to the side. “Brownie, I’m not _repressed._ ” 

“Look I get it, you couldn’t resist my hot bod. You’re not the first nor the last,” Brownie teased. 

Tyler rubbed his eyes. “I can’t believe I was ever attracted to your dumb ass.” 

“You wanted me so hard, man. But that’s okay. We got passed it, right? You’ve got good taste, Jamie’ll let it go. Or I’ll fly out and kick his ass.” 

_That_ genuinely made Tyler laugh. “Dude, he’d put his massive tree trunk arms out and it’d be like watching a little kid fight Hulk.” 

“Ouch. I mean, where is the loyalty? You are the worst wife I’ve ever had.” 

“Unless you’re keeping something from me, which you better not fuck nut, I’m your only wife.” 

Brownie tutted. “I’ve been replaced, dude. You probably don’t even think about me when you jerk off anymore.” 

“Ugh, god, Brownie. I have food in my room,” Tyler gagged. It had, in fact, been something he’d done for a while, but that was genuinely a lifetime and three teams back. Tyler Brown was about as much a brother as he was ever going to get. Life had dealt him that and he’d been so thankful when the attraction had faded. 

(Granted, you see a guy puke enough, watch him pee on your mom’s garden and share a room with him long enough, you really do lose a lot of shine.) 

“What do you think you’re going to do?” Brownie asked, voice suddenly serious. 

Tyler scratched at his beard with one hand. “Honestly? I’m going to hole up in my room, possibly eat two dinner portions and hope tomorrow comes with no one the wiser. Maybe Andie was just shocked that Jamie was telling me about their date. And Jordie was just wondering why I was walking away.” 

“Tyler,” Brownie groaned. “Have you not listened at ALL to ANYTHING I’ve said.” 

“Mostly I try not to,” he tried derailing the conversation.

It failed. 

“It’s going to come out, pun TOTALLY intended, so just like. Let it out on your own terms. Preferably not through his girlfriend or brother, or when you’re drunk and especially without the kiss. Though I will admit the kiss almost swayed me… you got some chops, dude. Also, _I will dick punch Jamie if he is an idiot_.”

And yeah, Tyler had thought similar things in the past (beyond the dick punching thing) but that had been Pre-Andie. But it had just seemed like the time had passed on the whole telling him the thing because… he was not the type to fuck with a person’s relationship. Even if he was one hundred percent of Jamie’s sexuality and the fact that he would be turned down flat with or without Andie, he couldn’t help the feeling that it wasn’t fair to the relationship. 

Plus, a small completely irrational voice in the back of his head feared that it would mean Andie would give some sort of ultimatum and he was just not ready to not be a part of Jamie’s life even if it was just back in Dallas. 

There was a sudden knock on his door and his skin went cold. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

“Uh, I gotta go.” 

“Dude, is he at the door? You better freaking call me…” 

He hung up on Brownie. That was something he did a lot so he really felt no guilt in it at all, even if he probably should. 

“One sec,” he called out in an obvious bid for more time. Like it mattered, actually, what would a few extra seconds mean. But you know, it comforted him none the less. 

He hesitated in front of the door and then wrapped his hand around the handle and pulled.

He had never actually been more relieved to see Jordie Benn in his entire life. Not that it was _that_ much better than seeing Jamie Benn there… but whatever. It was definitely a step away from the younger brother coming in to yell at him or look like a hurt confused puppy. 

Jordie stormed past him and landed on the chair in the corner. 

“You have a fucking _thing_ for my brother, don’t you?” 

The door was still wide open, and yeah it wasn’t like there were many players milling around nor did Jordie scream it but fuck. The door was _opened_. Tyler tried to slam it shut but it was one of those dumb doors that didn’t give you the satisfaction and closed on its own terms. 

“Say it a little louder, I think your brother might have missed it,” Tyler hissed. 

“Fucker, I _know_ he missed it. He fucking _missed_ it a lot.” 

_What was that even supposed to mean?_

“What the hell does that mean?” 

“It means, numb nuts, that my brother is in a good place right now and just because you’ve come around to whatever you are feeling doesn’t give you the choice to like… fuck with that.” 

His stomach filled with lead, his fist balled up at his sides. He’d never really thought of himself as Jordie’s BEST friend or anything, but they’d always had a good relationship. Hell, sometimes it was better than with Jamie as they got to gang up on Jamie and that was pretty killer. 

Yet, it seemed, that there was a line in the sand and he was on the other side. He nodded, the muscles in his neck feeling tight. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah, fucking okay. I won’t fuck his life up by telling him I have feelings for him. I got it. Nice and clear,” Tyler said and then took a few steps and opened the door to his room. “Thanks for the chat, Jordie.” 

Jordie looked him up and down and brushed at his beard. “Tyler…” 

Even though Jordie’s voice had calmed down Tyler shook his head. “I got it, Jordie. Please. Could you just go?” 

So he did. He walked past Tyler and into the hallway and the door clicked shut just in time for his eyes to go from ‘stoic’ to ‘watery’ and he was thankful as fuck. 

All in all, it was a fucking banner day from him. 

*

He hadn’t slept, not well any ways. He’d eaten the cold food and almost ordered something hideously off plan from the room service menu but decides against it when he hears his sisters’ voices saying “totally chick flick” in his head. 

Either way, his phone alarm didn’t quite wake him up as alert him he had to get ready and go downstairs. Were it not for a third strike on his record he would hit snooze and just put a pillow over his head for principle. Instead, he rolled out of bed, pulled on his jeans and his least scuzzy shirt and headed downstairs. Maybe if he got there early enough there would be less of a chance of him hitting a Benn. 

Only a few of the trainers were down when he got there, and hey he at least got first pick at the food. He filled his plate and sat at an empty table in the corner. 

He was almost through his entire plate when, naturally, a familiar voice came up to his table. 

“Dude, when are you EVER up this early?” 

He looked up at Jamie and blinked. Jamie looked like… well. Himself? Nothing different. He wasn’t carrying himself different or looking uncomfortable. It should leave him feeling relieved that Jordie hadn’t said anything but mostly he just felt a little more sad about it. 

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” Tyler said, surprised at how his voice sounded gravelly. 

Jamie sat a plate down beside him and frowned. “You getting sick? Go get a B12 shot, dude. I mean, we can’t lose you.”

“Sure, yeah,” he nodded. Looking down at his food. “After I eat.” 

How did he forget to talk to Jamie in just twelve hours? What the fuck?

“Sorry about that last night,” Jamie said. “I mean, this whole dating during the season is hard. Andie hates roadies so I’ve been looking around on long distance websites and they recommended it… I know it’s cheesy, right, but she likes it.” 

Tyler shrugged. “I’ve never really been in that long term of a relationship during the season, but yeah. Good idea.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay? I’m handing you chirp material, bro. Come on.” 

Jamie smacked their knees together under the table and Tyler jumped. 

“Ty?” 

“I’m gonna,” Tyler picked up his plate, still with a little food left. “Yeah, I don’t feel right. I’m going to stop and see if I can get a B12 shot.” 

He didn’t even look at Jamie as he walked away. 

One of the trainers stops him as he tried to make a hasty exit and gives him a look. He wasn’t _planning_ on follow through with the whole visit but apparently he was doing it. 

He wasn’t a fan of B12 shots but he took it and then was given a write off for morning skate, which was a fucking gift from the hockey gods. He was told to rest the hell up and drink water and sleep. What wasn’t good was when they said the phrase, ‘We’ll talk about the game after four.’ 

And FUCK THAT, he wasn’t letting himself get scratched because he was a lovesick loser. So he forced himself up to his room, took a hot shower and lay down on his bed. He either conked out in exhaustion or willed himself into sleep, either way, he was out in five minutes flat. 

* 

A hand on his back woke him up and he felt weird and groggy and heavy, looking at the clock to realize he’d been asleep for nearly six hours. He rolled over to find Jamie looking at him extremely concerned and his brain had to process a few things before he could actually react. 

He was in a hotel. _They were on a roadie._

Jamie was in his room. _He had a key._

Jamie was concerned. _He thought Tyler was sick._

He thought he was sick because Tyler had fucked everything up. _FUCK._

“What?” he said, his voice probably a good octave higher than it should be. 

“Dude, nap over. I brought you food. Have you been sleeping this whole time?” 

He looked over to see a bag from Jimmy John’s and his mouth watered a little. Fucking hell yeah Jimmy John’s. And Jamie knew his order.

“I think I was just tired,” Tyler said, shifting to move up in bed and realizing that he’d hit the bed buck ass naked but had thankfully put the blankets on. 

Jamie frowned, the little v in the center of his eyebrows deepening. “You aren’t playing if you’re sick.” 

“Not sick,” Tyler said and looked at his legs to avoid looking at Jamie. “Didn’t sleep well last night. It does happen. Got a B12 shot, slept for 6 hours. I’m aces.” 

“Want to eat?” 

Tyler looked at the bag and the fact that he had two sodas and debated hard about whether or not he could wiggle out of eating _with_ Jamie while still getting the Jimmy John’s but he was doubtful. Plus it wasn’t Jamie’s fault he was an idiot. 

“Could you turn around?” he said and regretted it instantly. 

Jamie let out his familiar bark of a laugh. “Come on **DUCKIE** , you shy?” 

“Fucker,” Tyler muttered, smiling despite himself. He stood up and not so conspicuously covered his junk with his hands. He was never living that stupid spread down, was he? He grabbed a pair of sleep pants off the ground and slipped them on. (He didn’t share a freaking room, he could leave them on the floor.) 

Jamie sat down at the tiny table in the corner of the room and put the food down. 

“Is there something in the water? You and Jordie are acting fucking weird. Plus Andie is being all… ” he stopped himself and shrugged, pulling out two large subs and putting them out on the table. Tyler went stock still for a second and then forced himself to walk forward. 

“Maybe you’re the weird one,” Tyler tried as he sat down across from him. “I haven’t noticed anything with Jordie.” 

“You weren’t at the freaking morning skate,” Jamie frowned. “He kept looking at me like I had something written on my face.” 

Tyler took a huge bite, using the guise to avoid having to talk about it. Granted it didn’t shut Jamie up but at least he didn’t have to try and answer.

“When I asked him he got all cagey and me to mind my damn business. Even Jason gave him a weird look for that one. And when Demers thinks Jordie is acting weird then something is up.” 

Tyler shrugged, chewing thoughtfully. Jamie waited for a minute until Tyler was done chewing and then raised an eyebrow. “Come on bro. What is it?” 

“What’s wrong with Jordie? I mean, I could make a list but I don’t have any paper and there isn’t enough ink in the world to cover that shit.” 

Jamie nudged him under the table, again, this time with a shit eating grin. “Dude, I’ve been around him pretty much my whole life, trust me, I know. I mean more with like… you. If you’re not sick, what’s the deal?”

Tyler swallowed uncomfortably, averted his eyes but then forced himself to look back at Jamie. “Just figuring some shit out. No big deal.” 

“And you can’t TALK to me about this shit? Cause like. That’s what we generally do. Right?” 

“I can’t talk to you about it, Jamie,” he said. “But if I could, I freaking would, I promise you.” 

Jamie glared at him. “Does it have something to do with my brother?” 

“What?”

“He’s acting fucked up, you’re acting fucked up,” Jamie made a hand motion like it was basic arithmetic. “Is there something going on between you and Jordie?” 

And though he was one hundred percent sure that Jamie didn’t mean it in the way it sounded he shuddered either way. “No. There is NOTHING going on with your brother and me.” 

Jamie seemed to deflate. He chewed his food and glared in turns while Tyler tried his best to look away as much as possible. The meal was awkward at best, which was just the frosting on this shit cupcake. He was actively trying to _not_ ruin things and in doing so it was fucking things up. 

It was like he was pretty well fucked if he did and fucked if he didn’t. He had on one side the logical argument of Brownie saying he needed to get it out and yet the other (somehow) logical side of Jordie telling him to leave well enough alone. He sipped at his soda and felt like a fucking idiot with two devils on his shoulder, the angel missing in action. 

“I made out with Brownie,” he blurted out, and Jamie choked. 

“DUDE?” Jamie said, through a couple gasping breaths. 

He drank some soda and Tyler waited till he seemed to be able to catch his breath. “Not like, recently. God, no. But I did. When we were younger. I kissed him and like. It happened. It messed everything up for a few weeks but then we moved past it and you know. Now he’s my annoying brother.” 

“Oooo… okay?” 

“So yeah. I do that. I kiss guys sometimes.” 

Jamie looked perplexed but nodded. “Well. That’s good for you?” 

“That’s all you got? I tell you I kiss guys and I get a ‘good for you’?” 

“Did… did you tell Jordie about this?” 

Tyler nodded, even though Jordie had more guessed than anything else. 

“And that’s why he’s being … whatever today?” 

Tyler shrugged. “That and the fact that he’s Jordie.” 

“Oh. Okay,” Jamie said, apparently not hearing the joke. 

Tyler waited for something more but Jamie just kind of stared at the space where his sandwich had just been and looked kind of like he did during most scrums. Tyler nervously balled up his empty wrapper and threw it in the bag, then did the same with Jamie’s. (Cleaning because he was anxious, he was officially turning into his mom.)

With no warning, Jamie backed his chair up and stood up. 

“Jamie, what the fuck?” 

“I got to go,” Jamie said, his hands dug deep into his pockets and looking at the floor. “See you when we leave for ice. Five ten. Don’t be late.” 

Tyler’s reaction time was off because in general, he’d be up on his fucking feet and at the door before Jamie could reach it but instead he was barely on his feet when the door closed with an ominous click.

“What the fuck?” he asked the room at large. 

The room didn’t say anything back. The douche.

* 

To say the game was off that night was both an overstatement and an understatement. On one hand as soon as they stepped on to the ice they were good as gold, typical if a lot less talkative as usual. It was off the ice that was, well, off. If he was in a better mood he might actually call it ‘icy’ and waggle his eyebrows cause Jamie loved puns but… yeah. Jamie wasn’t in the mood for jokes. 

Or anything, as it turned out. He just was there to play hockey and nothing else. 

Tyler had feared he’d have to go out of his way to avoid Jamie but he didn’t even get a chance to try because instead, Jamie kept a wide as hell berth.

In the second intermission, Jordie came up and sat down next to him, the guise of a huge smile that to most probably seemed friendly, to Tyler there was only predator there. 

“What’d you do, kid?” Jordie squeezed Tyler’s shoulder pad. 

“Nothing,” Tyler said. “I didn’t tell him anything.” 

Jordie flicked his eyes to Tyler, all smile off of his face. He leaned in to intensely ask. “Then WHY does my brother have the puppy death eyes?” 

“Puppy death eyes?” he asked, but honestly, it did describe the look pretty well. He leaned in and said. “Look, I told him that I liked both guys and girls, and that’s why you were acting weird. He freaked and left.” 

Jordie ducked his head against Tyler’s shoulder and swore. “ _Fucking Tyler._ ” 

“I’d hoped,” Tyler said, but it wasn’t with any real humor to it. 

Jordie stood up and stalked off, thankfully away from where Jamie was talking with one of the coaches. He wasn’t in the mood for Cain and Abel playing out in the locker room. He focused on taking off his skates. He needed to take a leak and get some Gatorade in himself stat. 

*

After the game was flight time, their stuff already loaded up and their hotel rooms checked out of. They were heading to… fuck. He didn’t know. It wasn’t even that long of a roadie, but most of the time he based his knowledge of the next town off of what team Jamie was chattering most about and he hadn’t had that conversation with Jamie. So he just kind of put his headphones on and hoped it wasn’t that long of a flight. 

He saw Jordie approach Jamie and his whole body tensed. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, turning up Drake to a point that was probably bad for his ears. Whatever that was wasn’t good. 

A few songs later he felt a nudge on his shoulder and turned to see Spezza glaring at him. He pulled his headphones off. “Wha?” 

“Time to go sleeping beauty,” Spezza said, adding. “You know, you’ll go deaf.” 

“When did you turn into a dad?” he frowned, putting the headphones back on. (He turned it down, slightly, more to appease his mother than Jason.) 

He stood up and grabbed his backpack out from under his seat. He rarely needed that much entertainment on the plane, usually talking or playing games with the guys was enough but man he was thankful for his iPhone and iPad, distraction was key. The gratitude doubled as he walked past Jamie and found him giving an intense look.

He was pretty sure that Jordie wouldn’t have tipped the ‘Tyler wants to bang you’ card to Jamie but he never really knew with the Benns anymore. 

When he settled down in his seat he felt strange and awkward. He sat next to Jamie. That was how it went. It wasn’t some sort of superstition or anything crazy pants like that but it was something he was used to. Talking to Jamie or sleeping with his head on Jamie’s shoulder. It was basic flight etiquette. 

But none of that. Instead, he was seated by himself until Patrick Sharp came and sat next to him in the aisle seat with a weird look on his face. 

“You okay Segs?” 

Tyler fake smiled. “Aces, Sharpy. Aces.” 

“Jamie got business with his brother?” Sharpy asked. 

“Something like that,” he said, and shifted in his seat. “How are the Mini Sharps? And the missus.” He winked suggestively at Patrick. “Does she miss me?” 

Sharpy rolled his eyes but laughed. “I swear to god, man. Had Kaner not warned me about you I would definitely be smacking you right now.” 

“Kaner has no room to _warn_ anybody,” Tyler laughed. “He’s a bigger flirt than me, I just got the style with it.” 

“I thank Gd everyday that there is little chance you will ever play on the same team again, as the world might actually implode,” Sharpy said, voice mock seriously. 

Tyler secretly was glad that it wasn’t likely as well. Not that he’d ever even thought of Kane that way, but the guy knew way too much about him to be on the same team. He was sure that the whole team would know most of his secrets within a half an hour of drinking with Kaner and he wasn’t really in that place. 

“The kids are good, by the way,” Sharpy said, seemingly to fill the gap in conversation. He gave a toothy grin. “I could be obnoxious and show you photos… so that’s what I’m going to do.” 

Tyler had never been more thankful to see kid-pictures before in his life. 

* 

They landed an hour and a half later, apparently in Nashville. It was dark, obviously, but the temperature was amazing. He took his jacket off and threw it over his bag as he departed. They had a late start for the day because well, they’d just played and they drilled “Sleep is important” into their brains hard enough for it to hurt. 

So that’s what he did. He got the key to his hotel room and crashed like no other, sleeping in past his alarm and past his backup alarm. He did get a call from one of the other guys that finally woke him up so he could run downstairs for team breakfast but even that was closer to ten in the morning than anything else. 

Jamie was there, seated surrounded by teammates but focused solely on his food. Tyler grabbed a overfilled plate and sat down at the last free table next to Demers and Jordie. 

He started to eat, hoping that the conversation the two were having would carry him through his meal and avoid any interaction. He made it a whole three bites before he was proven wrong and Jordie kicked him under the table. 

“Yo, brain dead, wake up,” Jordie chided and it was as if the last forty-eight hours HADN'T been filled with Jordie treating him like a drill sergeant. “I know the food is good, but it ain’t nirvana.” 

Tyler lifted his head and looked at Jordie. “I’m communing with it, dude. Leave me alone.” 

“‘Communing’ with your food? You freaking nerd,” Jordie kicked at him again. 

“ _Ow_.” 

“We’re going to go for BBQ after skate, you in?” 

Tyler looked at Jamie out of the corner of his eyes. “Um, who is ‘we’?” 

“Daddy and me,” Jordie answered, and the small note of annoyance was enough to let him know he’d seen him look. “Jamie is getting some shit together. You’ll have to settle for the better Benn.” 

He sagged a little, exhaling in relief. Okay. He could do this. He nodded and Jordie and Demers high-fived. But apparently, _he_ was the nerd in this equation.

* 

By the time they played the Preds the next night he was beginning to feel a lot like a kid who was being group babysat. Over the course of two days, he’d gone to BBQ with Jordie and Demers, went out to dinner and a few beers with Spezza and Eakin, played a shit ton of video games with the Rookies… It was like every time he was about to take a break and go back into his hotel room someone was behind him asking him to leave again. 

It was in complete relief when they touched down in Dallas because he knew he could escape to his own freaking home and not have to worry about having to go play like… catch or something with Sharpy. 

The dogs greeted him when he got home, just like they always did, with the level of excitement that made him feel in equal parts completely happy and a whole shit ton of guilt. He often wondered if it was selfish to get dogs when he spent so much time on the road and didn’t have someone at home to be the other parent but when they knocked him over it made it worth it. 

Cash nuzzled at him for a full minute before running to the garage door and sitting down, impatiently wagging his tail. 

Which, okay. Fuck. That hurt. 

“Cash, duder, Jamie’s not coming over tonight,” he said like the dog was going to get that. They usually shared cars and no matter how late it was, Jamie would come in and give the dogs a good snuggle. Tonight he’d caught a ride with Sharpy and yeah. Nope. 

Cash turned to him with his mouth shut and let out a whine. He walked over and rubbed the back of his head, kneeling down once again to smoosh his face into his neck. “I know, I know. How’s about a treat?” 

The ‘T’ word being said negated any and all sadness in that household. Well, at least for the dogs. 

 

*

The next day Tyler _almost_ hoped that everything would revert to home mode. It would mean that Jamie was mostly with Andie, which would suck, but at least it would get him back in a good mood on the ice and locker room. They had a long stretch at home, which was usually the best time. There was something to be said about “road comradery” but there was also something to be said about being able to go to bed in the same bed at night and not being stuck in a bus/plane all the flipping time. 

Plus the added bonus of being able to escape from your teammates when you need to. 

But, if anything, Jamie got a little worse. He wasn’t talking to Tyler about anything beyond hockey. He and Jordie had some weird silent battle going on. Which, okay, they were brothers, they fought all the time but their fights were like bombs. Quick, explosive, but the dust settled relatively quickly. This was like an arms race, nothing was happening but the tension was growing. 

About a week after they came home they all had a day off and Sharpy decided they needed a BBQ at his house. Abby, the saint that she was, was totally okay with the bulk of the Stars roster taking over her house. Most guys who had wives or girlfriends brought them with and there were gaggles of kids going in all directions. 

Jamie and Jordie showed up, surprisingly together, and even more surprisingly withOUT Andie in tow. Tyler was sipping on a beer from a red solo cup, down to just his swim shorts and eyeing the pool. He loved living in a city where January still meant he could just jump in without risking losing a limb. 

His keys were still in his pocket, though, and so was his cell phone. Meaning jumping in to just avoid the Benn brothers would cost him a decent chunk of cash. Not that he didn’t HAVE the money to burn, it was more a principle thing. He downed the rest of the beer in his cup and steeled himself to walk back to the keg that was near the door. 

“Tyler,” Jordie said, his voice a little pointed. 

Tyler looked up from the keg to notice that Jordie was looking directly at his brother and Jamie was decidedly looking away from him. “Jordie?” 

“Give me a beer, I’m going to go annoy Demers.” 

Tyler grabbed a cup out of the ice beside the keg, but before he did so Jordie grabbed the cup he’d just filled. He was already a half a dozen steps away before he could holler. “Fucking party foul, Benn! That’s my cup!” 

With his empty hand, Jordie flicked him off as he walked away. 

“Language,” came a voice from somewhere nearby. It sounded like Sharpy which was RIDICULOUS and completely hypocritical but whatever. 

He filled the cup in his hand and looked at Jamie. “You want it?” 

“Uh, sure, yeah. Thanks.”

And that right there was the most they’d talked not hockey related in a really long time. Tyler handed over the cup and went to finally make another cup for himself. He focused on the keg, figuring Jamie would walk away and go somewhere Tyler-less but was surprised to find he did not. Rather he just stood there. Looking at Tyler. 

“So, nice weather?” he said, feeling like a giant box of tools. The weather? Really? 

Jamie nodded but it didn’t seem like he cared about the weather at all. He took the red solo cup and downed it in about three gulps. Tyler was impressed. 

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” 

Tyler didn’t hesitate to down his own red solo cup and refill it first. He had usually been the one on the other side of that sentence but he knew that it never led down a good path. 

“I guess. I don’t know Sharpy’s house well enough to like…” Tyler said and Jamie jerked his head towards the french doors. He opened it and walked in, finding a group of guys around the huge as hell TV watching a game. He couldn’t tell who was playing because honestly, he couldn’t concentrate but he really wished he could stay and watch. 

Jamie walked down a hallway and towards the garage, stopping at the laundry room a little off to the side. It was possibly a little less creepy than going into one of the bedrooms but he still felt weird stealing a room from the Sharps for this inevitable but shitty conversation. 

“Look, Jamie, this doesn’t have to be weird,” Tyler started. 

At the same time, Jamie offered. “I thought you kissed my brother.” 

Tyler choked on air. “You thought WHAT?” 

“I. Thought. You. Kissed. Jordie,” he replied through gritted teeth. 

The instinct to laugh was only broken by the look on Jamie’s face. His cheeks were red and his lips were pursed and he looked so … sad about the whole thing he couldn’t bring himself to actually do anything more to him about it. 

“I wouldn’t kiss Jordie if someone actually paid me to,” Tyler said. “Like, maybe for charity but it would have to be a big sum and even then it would be a hardship. What the hell made you think that?” 

“You kissed Brownie and then you told me that you ‘basically’ told Jordie about it and… I don’t know.” 

Tyler had to run through that sentence a few times for any of it to make sense but when he did he put both hands up. “No, I basically told him I was bi because he GUESSED I had a thing for… fuck... I didn’t have to tell him, he just knew. Okay? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me like the freaking plague? Cause I’m pretty sure either Jordie or I could have knocked that out in 2 seconds flat.” 

Jamie’s mouth was open a little, jaw slack. “Yeah. Well, let’s just say that Jordie didn’t knock it out at first.” 

“He… that fucker…” 

“He didn’t say you _did_ kiss. He just wouldn’t tell me what happened and I put a few things together and got the wrong idea.” 

Tyler exhaled, the small flare of anger at Jordie disappearing as quickly as it started. “Well, okay. So. I’m bi. Wouldn’t kiss your brother if I were paid. Are we cool? You could like, stop ignoring me. That would be aces, Chubbs. We could even hang—” 

“No.” 

Tyler froze. “No?” 

Jamie ran both of his hands through his hair and then let out a groan. “Fucking damn it, Tyler. You are annoying, did you know that?” 

“Yes, but thank you for continuing to point out my faults,” Tyler said, taking a few steps back to jumped up onto the washer like it wasn’t something that felt like a punch to the gut. 

Jamie looked at him again, put his hands on his hips and used his captain voice. “Stop that, **Tyler**. You know what I mean. You aren’t annoying in _that way_.”

“You’re going to have to be a little freaking clearer, **Jamie**.” 

“Grr,” Jamie threw up a hand in his face. “Do you know the amount of time that I spent freaking out about you? Years of being stupid and pining and liking you. And then I got to a zen point. I moved on. And yet, here you are. Apparently liking me. And it messes with my brain.” 

Tyler swallowed and looked away. “Come on, Jamie. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want this to mess with you…” His brain did a sudden turn though because the rest of the sentence seemed to stream through. “You pined after me?” 

Jamie’s face was bright red, tips of his ears bright red. “Not the point.” 

“No,” Tyler jumped off the washer. “That is like, _exactly_ the mother fucking point. You had a thing for me? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

He got a few blank blinks towards him. “Because you’re straight? Or I thought you were. Or I guess I just assumed it. You didn’t exactly make yourself seem like the gay type.” 

“ **Bisexual** , Jamie. Say it out loud. Cause apparently you are too.” 

“Okay, you didn’t seem _bisexual_ ,” Jamie rolled his eyes. “You seemed to like the type that might freak out if his friend had a crush on him. So I didn’t tell you. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest. “Thanks for thinking I’m a homophobic asshole. I was going to tell you but then… well. Then I got injured. And then you got a girlfriend and I don’t mess with people’s relationships.” 

Jamie frowned and looked away. “That is a non-issue.” 

“Jamie,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Tell me you didn’t break up with Andie because of me. Because she deserves better than that and I’m not okay with being the catalyst for a breakup.” 

“She got in to the University of Washington’s medical school, Tyler. We were thinking about trying the true long distance bullshit but even that stupid Skype dinner was stilted and awkward. Doing that full time for the next who knows how many years? Yeah.” 

Tyler couldn’t keep himself from feeling guilty, even with the knowledge that Andie had gotten into her number one school. He remembered her talking about it, but hadn’t actually thought about the idea of her getting in. It had felt just like small talk, not epic life changing stuff. 

“I’m sorry,” Tyler said and meant it. “I know that she meant a lot to you.”

Jamie leveled him with a look that, were they on ice would mean he was about to get boarded. “God, you are so freaking annoying.” 

“I think we covered that,” he said, irritation clear in his voice, looking down at his flip-flops. 

Just as suddenly as he started to look back up he was met with the force of Jamie’s body. For a blinding second, he thought that maybe he was getting boarded, but the problem was that the board wasn’t a freaking wall and he was suddenly bent halfway back on the washer, his hands the only thing propping him up. His eyes were open, so he saw Jamie’s freakish eyelashes and his whole brain was fuzzing out because all he could think was, ‘He looks like Prince Eric’. 

(He blamed his sisters. Mostly.) 

Jamie pulled back and licked his lips and Tyler licked his own. Beer, which was not the most pleasant of aftertastes but whatever. He pushed forward and kissed Jamie again. The part of his brain that was working on self-preservation was being overruled by the part that was working off of Jamie just _kissing him_. 

He let his eyes close the second time. He let himself enjoy it. For all of the ten seconds, it lasted before Jamie pulled back and pushed on his chest to keep him in place. 

“Wha?” Tyler breathed out. “Um. What?” 

“Fuck,” Jamie said, sounding equally as breathless. “Okay. Fuck. But. I just. This can’t just happen.” 

Tyler was still getting his brain online but he knew enough to ask. “Why the hell not?” 

“A lot of freaking reasons, Tyler. But the number one reason being I’m not letting this just be something I fall into. And I don’t want this to be a reaction to Andie, or like let you think that…” 

Tyler started to lean in to grab another kiss, because it sounded like a good idea. “I wouldn’t think that.” 

Jamie pushed him away. “Date. Tyler. We’re going to date. Slowly. Cause team dynamics and our friendship and … a lot of reasons. But also because I am expecting some awesome dates.” 

He pulled a face and scratched his neck, just barely containing a smile. “That sounds like a lot of effort…” 

“Shut up, Seggy.” 

Tyler chuckled. “I’m going to date you so fucking hard, Jamie Benn.” 

“Damn straight,” Jamie shook his head just as Tyler opened his mouth to make fun of the use of the word. “Don’t.” 

“Not quite straight,” he said and Jamie kissed him, presumably to shut him up. He took a moment to ask. “So before the dates, making out is okay?” 

“Hell fucking yes,” Jamie said. 

Jamie bodily picked him up and put him on the Washer, and yeah he was a man and not into being man handled in general but … he could forgive it. They made out for a few minutes before the door to the room opened and he looked over JAmie’s shoulder to see Jordie looking triumphant.

“Fucking alright boys,” Jordie cheered, and Jason clapped beside him. 

“Close the door?” Jamie croaked out but just as suddenly Sharpy was storming in. 

“Come on, I do laundry in here,” he whined. 

Abby, from somewhere behind the guys yelled, “When have you EVER done laundry?” 

“Okay. My BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL wife does my _kid’s_ laundry in here. _Get out_ , creepers.” 

Jamie pressed a long last kiss to Tyler and before he pulled back he said, “Dates, dude.” 

“Oh just you freaking wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you thank you thank you goes to freetodream5 and LuciFern for looking through it and listening to my craziness. <3
> 
> TW: I mentioned Patrick Kane.


End file.
